How to stop giving a sh*t what other people think of you
Edition #072
Hey friends, happy Sunday!
This week I've been working on a project similar to the one Ben Tossell describes in this thread. I'll have more to share on this in the next couple of weeks!!
No video this week as I'm switching my upload day over to a Tuesday, this will (hopefully) mean I have the video done a couple days before uploading and I'm not sprinting to get it finished every Sunday 😅
If you are looking for something to watch this week then my video on How to become a Webflow designer / developer has been gaining traction recently.
Alrighty let's get into the Filter.
One Lesson
How to stop giving a sh*t what other people think of you
'I don't care what other people think about me' is the story I tell myself.
But if I'm honest this isn't true.
While I can say 'I don't care' what people think of certain elements of my life, like the way I dress or what I do for a living, there are other areas where it affects me.
Most recently it's been filming videos in public.
Something about talking to a camera, or even just using my camera in public makes my palms a little sweaty.
It's irrational. I know I shouldn't care. But for some reason I do. So I did some digging and it turns out that 4 out of 5 processes going on in the background of our brains are about our relationships with others.
This is likely because a huge part of our happiness relies on our relationships with others.
We have a desire to fit in. One study found that every person in the happiest 10% of participants had at least 1 long-term intimate relationship.
Worrying about what others think of you might be rational, but it's not helpful. It causes unnecessary anxiety, eats up your attention, and stops you from doing things.
Knowing this I started looking back at all the times I used to care about what others thought of me and now I don't.
- When did I stop giving a sh*t what clients thought of me and just started being myself?
- When did I stop caring what other people thought about the way I look?
- When did I stop being so bothered what people thought of me following an 'untraditional' career path?
Each time there seemed to be a 3 step process
1. Identify - Find the issue that is bothering me or holding me back.
2. Inspect - Write about the issue. What am I actually scared of? What's the worst that could happen? What are the potential benefits?
3. Initiate - Find a way to expose myself to that situation to help overcome the fear.
This process is about rewriting the default scripts you have in your head and then putting it into action.
It's no use understanding why you find it hard to talk to strangers then never putting it into action so you become comfortable.
Like most things in life, the way you stop giving a sh*t about what other people think of you is not just a switch you can turn on and off. It's a process, every situation is different and the only way to become comfortable is through exposure.
p.s this article is great extra reading on this.
Two Ideas
I.
​The path to success is usually incredibly simple, just not easy:
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1. Small consistent action
2. Share, iterate, refine and improve
3. Stay focused for a few years
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​Share this idea on Twitter​
II.
Cheap dopamine is the most distracting force in the world.
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​Share this idea on Twitter​
Three Favourite Finds
​Career Advice: Most career advice sucks, except this piece. If you're still figuring out what to do with your career read this.
If you want an average successful life, it doesn’t take much planning. Just stay out of trouble, go to school, and apply for jobs you might like.
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But if you want something extraordinary, you have two paths:
1. Become the best at one specific thing.
2. Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things.
​Crab Mentality: People playing zero sum games adopt a crab mentality. "If I can't have it, neither can you". But the crab mentality leads to a worse situation for the whole group.
It's easy to default to the crab mentality, but it's much more useful to focus on positive sum games. If someone else wins, being jealous or playing down their achievements is the equivalent to crabs in a bucket trying to stop each other from escaping.
​103 Bits of Advice I Wish I had Known: This list from Kevin Kelly is great, here are 3 of my favourite pieces:
- If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year?
- Don't ever work for someone you don't want to become.
- Productivity is often a distraction. Don’t aim for better ways to get through your tasks as quickly as possible, rather aim for better tasks that you never want to stop doing.
End note
The Sunday Filter relies on word of mouth to reach more people, if you’re enjoying the newsletter I’d really appreciate you sending it to a friend or sharing on Twitter.
Have a fantastic week!
- Stephen